I wanted to post a poem today, but thought against it after all the disturbing news I heard over the weekend.
My brother called me yesterday to tell me that my cousin's wife has been sent packing. They just got married a year ago!
They got into something, she stormed out the house, came back a day later and he locked her out, she yelled insults at him through the window and when he didn't answer,she packed a fist full of sand, went to the bedroom window and threw it at him!
Now in igboland, you only pour sand on your husband when he is lying six feet under, as a corpse. He is dead to her as it is and the marriage has to be dissolved under the traditions she was married in, I didn't even know all these.
Anyways she has been sent packing unless "Umunna" says otherwise and right now they are not saying anything at all except that she's got to go!
Come to find out another, young couple that got married in my church and moved to Houston a year and a half ago just got divorced too.
I ran into the groom's friend and enquired about them, he just laughed and said they divorced last year already, I was like you have got to be kidding me!
They had their challenges as a young couple but In a fit of anger, the wife called the cops on her husband and lied that he hit her, he was thrown in a jail and charged with a felony, this can potentially have all his banking licenses revoked, but she didn't care, now he's filed for divorce and she's left with two young kids, he claims the last one is not his, so go figure!
The last case scenario is the most troubling, I was at this wedding reception for a prominent army general's daughter, you should have seen this wedding! it was off the chain, name it the works!. The family went all out, fast forward a year later, this girl got into a drug habit and will come home and beat the daylight out of her poor husband, dude hightailed out of there faster than you can say dan chocho!.
Ladies, I say all this to say that, marriage is not a thing of sympathy or force, you can't get married cause everyone else is doing it, you must acquire a lot of patience and perseverance. Our mothers have been in it for ages and trust me most of their husbands are not saints. As we acquire degrees and diplomas, let us also learn the virtue of a godly woman who goes on her knees to solve problems instead of beating up the husband or calling the cops.
I have never been married but I am learning to consult the bible for answers to questions I have, and also learning from the mistakes of others.
My 2 cents...
18 comments:
Thanks for dropping by my blog. Still expecting that email!!
Regarding marriage...until you get into it, you will never be able to say what you will or will not do. There are a lot of people who view what our mothers went through and vowed NEVER to go through that. I am not saying that anyone is perfect, because none of us are...but marriage is a whole different ball game entirely!!
I didnt know about the sand thing and igbo culture so for that, i say thank you for teaching me something new.
The breakdown of marriages lately is terrifing and i will say again that i think a lot of people get into marriages thinking only of the wedding day and not of the committment of a life long union..
Its quite worrying
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lurvvv ur blogg!
This marriage thing has really gotten out of hand ooo.the thing here is that most young folks get married for the wrong reasons and get out of it for the right reasons! u know our mothers stuck wiv our fathers not bcos they were fools but bcos that was d only option(which pays off in d long run)back then.These days there aint nothing like a ride or die chick anymore ooo.
HMMMM What is going on? I agree with you, I am not pressured to get married. Other people's experiences are apart of my learning process. I am being patient and waiting on the Lord.
bluntremi is absolutely right, each marriage is different and until you talk to BOTH parties in those situation you cannot begin to fathom what the true underlying issues are. True our mothers endured but at what price and how many women want their mothers lives? l have a great relationship with older women and many younger married women, my sista, you cannot imagine the amount of pain buried just beneath the surface. Continued silence mean that the men NEVER truly appreciate how women feel about certain things they consider norm which are deeply hurtful to their relationships. That is not to justify abusive behaviour on a man or woman's part but to encourage us to ask deeper questions in pursuit of happiness and a better society. You go on you jimmys gal, omo dadi!;)
I have to say, I think a lot of Nigerians get married for a whole host of reasons, none of which tend to be the correct ones so I'm actually surprised that there aren't actually more divorces.
As far as I'm concerned, people should only get married because they are in love with and love their partner whole heartedly and are fully prepared to spend the rest of their lives together for better or worse with emphasis on the worse because people seem to hightail it out of their weddings at the first sign of trouble.
Anyway, I've never been married so I can't speak from experience.
As I always say, divorce is neither good nor bad. It's like chemotherapy. You wouldn't do it for fun, but sometimes it is necessary.
Our ability to recognise that things are so far gone that only divorce will save the patients is in a pretty dire state these days, but this incredibly important issue falls right down by the wayside, because we've been having the wrong debate since about the beginning of Christianity, namely, "Divorce- yes or no?" This is the "whether" debate.
But generalisations like that cannot be ruthlessly applied to the infinitely variable relationships that can exist between two people.
Like most kinds of agreement, marriages can be perverted and abused by one party at the expense of the other, and anyone with an ounce of humanity should at a bare minimum allow the victims in such cases to get out. A blanket yes/no argument does not deal with the reality of human life.
I am yet to get married but i know a whole lot about marriage that i'm not in a hurry to dive in. You may wanna read my current post to see why i said so.
Do have a lovely day!
@Bluntremi,
I am sending that mail tonight, long as it is! I understand marriage is a different ball game that is why anyone getting into it must do so for the right reasons.
@Uzo,
Just found out about hte sand thing too.
@Omolola,
Ride or die chick lol! I actually didn't offer some girl a job cause her email was ride or die chick @ aol.com. Thanx for stopping by.
@Set,
Aren't we all waiting on God,if you want in cause of pressure, you'll be pressured right out of it.
@Funmi Iyanda,
You are my inspiration Ms Iyanda, so want to be like you when I grow up.
@Vickii,
Well said, I am yet to find that man that can tolerate my excesses and vice versa. We have to be hopelessly in love to weather any storms.
@Ugo daniels,
Nwanne mmadu, well said, you should do marriage counselling, on my way to your blog now to read, enjoy your day too.
you're right.. sometimes people jump into things without thinking it through.. the divorce rate is just horrible to think about.. but at the same time... it's difficult to understand everything based on an action or two especially when you're on the outside looking in... never knew about the sand igbo thing.. glad to have learnt that
2 cents...the couple in houston...they should have known that it was not goint to work from the get go.
Yes i am Bobby Taylor...kill me, but i will add my 2 cents...lawliiing! Not lawling at them ooo...because their case is a serious issue!
They started dating, all was peachy...
As far as i am concerned, he was pressured into that marriage and she probably was as well.
He called it off the first time...that should have been the first sign. After all the invitations went out ooo, the boy called it off. TUFIAKWA!
Then they went and married...(round two...)
Now everything has kpafuka'd.
Now he is denying his son...the babe was a konk born again chick now, so i am not sure that i see her as a cheating type...
In all these matters, i wish them both the best in everything that they do. Whatever decisions that they make...they need to pray to God for guidiance.
I just feel so bad that she will be left with 2 kids, by herself.
Also i think they should do a DNA kini if "D" wants to know if those are his chilren or not...go get tested! Simple and lets end the story.
very sad thing ooo...!
2 cents...holla at your girl
bgeorgetaylor@gmail.com
With this marriage thingy, i think that its just work...if you want to work at it...good for you...if you dont, then keep to stepping.
I dont think that life time marriage is given to anyone on a silver platter.
God help us ooo, cause the institution of marriage is not easy.
@Overwhelmed naija babe,
Nne, I just found out about the sand thing too, so I know never to throw sand on the hubby especially if he's ibo. Nne ke my cheque biko, A na m a charge kwa for styling..
@Bobby,
It's either you are witch or close to one, you know the couple in Houston, F***ing small world I tell ya!! Waoh, You probably have more information than I do. All the same, will send that email.. We love you BOBBY TAYLOR!!! and for the first time lawl!lawl!
"As we acquire degrees and diplomas, let us also learn the virtue of a godly woman who goes on her knees to solve problems instead of beating up the husband or calling the cops"
...Wisdom!
as Uzo, said Marriage is morethan the wedding day.
If ppl put in moretime, dedication and commiment in preparing there marriage as they did there wedding...it would have a better chance.
wow... i just can't believe... we (we as in Nigerians) have been in this country too long, now we're taking on their characteristics...
I know marraige is a serious matter and would hope that most people know that and don't go rushing into things... its just said that things like these seem so common... but nevertheless, i still have some hope... my parents are a great example and i hope to follow in their foot steps...
~DD
@Refinedone,
Thanx for the kind words, I have to say that I have seen a few people plane their weddings and it's appaling to see where their head is.
@DD,
You are very right, Our parents are in it for the right reasons.
Hey Ms, just saw this on Nyemoni's blog
'I think Anambra state should be eradicated, the amount of controversy that has brewed from that place can sink a titanic!'
I know you meant it jokingly. Trust me, everybody is disgusted with the state of affairs in Anambara. I, for one, do.
I was just wishing you added 'lol' at the end so peeps like me that sometimes misunderstand intents can appreciate better.
It's all love, you know.
Do have a lovely day!
@Ugo daniels,
Nwanne mmadu, it's all love but for real though, Anambra state is becoming a nuisance. it's always something. I'll go back to nyemoni's blog and modify.
Marriage is work,and like Uzo said many peeps are after wedding not the union ahead.
God will help us all and marriage is not by force!
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