An ode to single parenthood.

Having read numerous articles by individuals who ignorantly express their opinions on of single parenthood, I would like to address some of these issues.

I am a single mother who made this choice not as a desire to get married, far from it, but for the sole reason that at that point in my life (having miraculously survived the terrorist attacks on the world trade center on 9/11) I could not bear to play games with life.Being a mother has been a joy but as an African, it has been an experience and I must say not a delightful one at times.

Certain analogy just goes to show the extent to which black people can be classist and egregious. As much as I want to live life as if I want an encore, I also want to satisfy my conscience. Since I could not bring myself to please my family and peer, I am the proud mother of a little boy.

He is such an adorable and lovable individual; I totally admire my son and think he has had another lifetime here. Nevertheless, importantly he has blessed my life in ways I could never imagine. My life is so much fuller, my dreams fulfilled. It’s like everything I touch turns to gold. My career has not only flourished but I have been able to imbibe my son’s innocence into my daily productivity and processing.

Now to the culture and traditions I was raised in, it is forbidden in Ibo land to have a child outside wedlock, especially in a family woven in Catholicism. You become a tokunbo, ostracized, tired and worn. I have met men who looked down on me and judged me once I tell them I have a child.

I know and have read about women who without meeting or knowing me assume I got pregnant to trap the baby's father into marriage.Far from it, marriage was not even an option as this pregnancy was not planned, and this relationship ended before the stick turned blue on the home test kit from Duane Reade.

I will take responsibility for my actions as an adult but while I am not an advocate of anything immoral, contraception does fail once in a while and even though we used protection and it failed, I look at my child everyday and agree he was meant to be here.

“It is what it is”, there are decisions we make in life. Emotional, psychological and spiritual, you let the tide of time sweep you up for posterity to judge.It is also important to note that people become single parents for various reasons either, by choice, widowed, divorced, spousal separation, immigration and incarceration. Yet in all these choices, the support system in the Diaspora though lacking becomes highly appreciated.

I hope for a good life for my child, and me if I am destined to do this again (bear children) I want to do it the right way, not that I regret my decision now as I am very blessed. I just know that the God ordained way for a family to function is to have two parents in a family structure raise children who will in turn pass these values to another generation.

Our orientation as Africans is that of holding the institution of marriage in very high esteem, regardless of how decadent our marriages are according due to recent polls. Nevertheless, there are beautiful people out there who deserve to know and love a child regardless of biological affiliations.

Civilization is moving at a supersonic speed and people from the western world pay tens of thousands of dollars and go to any length overseas to adopt children. However, a typical African man will rather marry a barren woman than be with a single mother because of the stigma and their ancient belief system.

I have seen relationships that have grown in leaps and bounds because of a level of maturity that these individuals manifest. To matter, raise God-fearing children, and grow old together until God calls them home.

For everything, I have been through in my very young life, for all the diplomas acquired and still to acquire, nothing compares to the joy of motherhood. I enjoy looking at my son and even though I will opt to share this experience with a partner because no drug will make me high enough to ever believe I can ever do this (parenting) alone, I am very happy and satisfied with my conscience.An ideal family should have a man and a woman in mutual understanding of each other's responsibilities.

Living in America and understanding this society's acceptance of a single parent family leaves me in awe of if this can ever happen in Nigeria. This is because of the evil meted out on widows by the late husband's family even if the man died of HIV/AIDS he contacted from a prostitute.

Life is hard enough; the only legacy we can leave for our children in this lifetime is the experiences we hold before the sunsets on our lives. I want to be remembered for the person my son becomes tomorrow, I owe him a good life because he is a choice I made and he deserves the love of everyone around me.